Life phases on the path to enlightenment (funny)
Published on May 2, 2021 by Dr. Caitlin Gordon
Half self-deprecating humor and half sardonic commentary based on social media observations. Enjoy, and let me know if you can relate :)
1. Bitching about life and how unfair it is on a regular basis.
2. Identifying as the victim of bad luck, your boss, your parents, your ex, the government, etc.
3. Realizing people don’t like it and it doesn’t feel good. Starting to use phrases like, “believe in yourself!” And “positive vibes only”.
4. Sharing your new healthy eating routine or exercise routine relentlessly on social media.
5. Getting obsessed with some type of wellness product that you’re pretty sure is changing your life.
6. Sharing photos of literally anytime you’re around grass and trees to make sure people know that you’re into healthy living and nature stuff.
7. Learning that all your personal care products are toxic and dabbling in MLMs like beauty counter or Arbonne because you guys, #cleanbeauty.
8. Deciding you really like this whole inspiring other people thing and climbing two steps higher on your soapbox to share about how important it is to heal yourself by cooking a lot of kale.
9. It’s cleanse-time, we need to rid the body of all that shit you used to put it in. Enter medical medium or raw veganism.
10. The cleanse only worked while you were high on stress hormones from starving. Getting into crystals, or essential oils as plan B.
11. Not cured, trying acupuncture or reiki out of desperation, and having your mind blown that you can FEEL energy. Like, literally, feel. it.
12. Adding disclaimers like #balance anytime you post yourself with a beer or something you’re worried doesn’t fit your new healthy positive persona.
13. Posting selfies with “no makeup, no filter, just natural” because this actually feels like a big edge.
14. Sharing a lot of Eckhart Tolle quotes.
15. A few months into acupuncture, you feel amazing. Cue fascination with eastern medicine, Ayurveda.
16. Becoming obsessed with house plants.
17. Deciding to do yoga teacher training or go to nutrition school.
18. Posting your morning adaptogenic CBD coffee routine
19. Getting into the law of attraction and sharing about everything you’re #manifesting.
20. Taking face mask and bath selfies and expounding on the necessity of #selfcare.
21. More self-care y’all, it’s really all about self-care and loving YOURSELF.
22. Deciding to become a life coach now that you have this whole life thing dialed.
23. Something seriously challenging happens and you realize you don’t know shit about shit so you seek out some genuine connection to God/spirit/source.
24. Deep diving into spiritual knowledge and practice, meditating a lot.
25. Dabbling in plant medicine, having your third eye blown open.
26. Dissolving all your rigidity and self-righteousness that was masking your deep-seated anxiety about feeling unloveable and not in control.
27. Dropping the food rules, the exercise rules, the whole idea that there is only one right way to be.
28. Getting back to loving people, shamelessly enjoying yourself, and finding ways to be of service.
29. Realizing this is actually #selfcare.
30. Sense of humor returns.
31. You have friends again.
32. You’re aware of how much you don’t know and that simultaneously, every answer lies within.
33. Heartbreak is embraced as the gift that it is.
34. Life becomes endlessly beautiful, even when it’s painful.
I really am offering business and life coaching these days. Not because I have it all worked out. Mostly because I can offer the figurative “watch out for that pothole” and “why are you scaling that wall, there’s a door over here” type of guidance having accumulated some valuable knowledge and life experiences. You can follow me on instagram to learn more and laugh with me: @dr.caite
